I was watching "The Good Wife" tonight, which I don't usually watch but I highly suggest if you like drama and lawyers. Michael J. Fox plays a corrupt lawyer with a neurological disorder not unlike Parkinson's disease, which he has in real life.
We're going on month 5 of my slipped disc syndrome and still no solid results. In fact, in some ways it feels a lot worse. I can't sleep through the night unless I'm taking lots of ibeprofun. But I can't take much of any pain killer without getting nauseous and twitchy. I scratch myself in my sleep from...anxiety? pain? I'm not sure. When I'm not on the meds, I barely have the energy to do anything but I can't be on them for long, and I know they aren't good for the vocal cords.
This is really the first long term injury/condition I have ever obtained. I keep being asked about additional symptoms because additional symptoms mean something serious. Something neurological. They want to give me a steroid which I am reluctant to do because it's my neck and steroids seriously wreck the voice. But at this point anything to take away the pain so I can lay down comfortably. I have heating pads and ice packs and used a traction machine and nothing consistently helps. It's bothersome. I wonder, "how long will this last?" A year? Will I be able to sleep on my wedding night?
I turned 25 last Thursday. Off-subject, it was a very relaxing birthday. Braden woke me up with a bouquet of roses and new sneakers that I had been eying (and I love them!). I got my fair share of facebook birthday wishes and Braden and I spent the evening at my favorite swanky bar, City Beverage. And while I don't consider myself old, I've become acutely aware of my body's frailties. I can't imagine having cancer or MS or something where the pain is never ending and there's no closure in sight. I get through the day. I go to my jobs, I sing and go to rehearsal. I even manage to exercise sometimes. But I do wake up every day from pain. And I go to sleep every day in pain. And it's not in my head.
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Sweetie? No such thing as good pain. I know it sucks, but you need to do what you must to get better. Even if it means compromising your singing for a little while. You'll be able to come back from it, because you always do.
ReplyDeleteWell, it's not really the good pain but I couldn't think of a better "punnier" title.
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