Hot for teacher

Apparently, I have a tendency to kiss straight on and completely smush Braden's nose. Ex-boyfriends can attest: I have always been a rather aggressive smoocher. I would make the worst soap star ever. In my defense, my neck injury makes turning my head rather uncomfortable.

I did not subject anyone to Cher hair, but Braden and both discovered that is insanely difficult to find photogenic ways to pose ourselves. A lot of the photos we were standing there like bad prom set-ups. How do you stand up and look "romantic" in posed photos? It either looks way too slack or awkward, as in "how do we position these limbs of ours???" Do people just walk through the woods, holding hands and smiling? I THINK NOT.

I am looking forward to the day that I become Virginia Leonard and no longer Ginny Buckner. Shed your name, shed your unwanted idenity? Getting married is the ultimate benefit for those looking for a change in their persona. It's kind of like going to college. It's a clean slate.

I started teaching yesterday. I have about 12 kids in each class for each age group 7-9s, 10-12s, and teens. I have a much better rapport with teens than the little ones. And don't get me started on the 7-9 year olds. For my first day, I just felt like I was doing crowd control. A lot of my beginning exercises involve sort of free exploring and that just did not cut it with the wee ones. I think more disipline is neccessary. I think I'm gonna have to do a lot more research on what works and what doesn't.

I don't know if I'm a natural at this, but I hope I can help the kids grow and achieve whatever they want to achieve. Most of my teen class want to be MT majors, so I want to help them get there!

Tonight I have an audition for "The Magic Flute". As a soprano, it's kind of a crap shoot. From what I understand here is the ratio of talent: 10 sopranos for every mezzo, tenor and baritone. I also overslept this morning and look a little less than glam as of now. Oh well...positive thinking!

When I walk down the street...

Being born 6 weeks early, I've always assumed that in a parallel universe, I was destined for other things. I'm pretty sure I would make a stellar Victorian bohemian, just moping around in some European city with a big hat citing pompous lines about impressionism and Oscar Wilde and imperialism while wearing a rather large chapeau. I should be wearing a big hat. It balances out the hips, creating a desirable silouette. The black church ladies get this. I would be singing in the streets (I really don't know what's stopping me from doing that...it's Carrboro, after all.) And hopefully finding a promising suitor who could also be a benefactor.

But then there wouldn't be blogs and I wouldn't have L & O: SVU as background noise on at 2am while I lie awake thinking how I'm going to pay this months rent. Which I suppose doesn't make me all that different from the 19th century Paris riffraff. And Braden, while not much of a benefactor (he did buy me a new vacuum cleaner though, so who's to say...) is a very fine fiance.

I will, if the stars align, be working again soon...! I had an interview today for an acting and muscial theatre teacher at a dance school in Durham. I would be teaching middle schoolers theatre games and scene study and coaching high schoolers on their monologues and song selections. WHICH is EXACTLY what I WANT to do. So that's exciting. The bad news is it's only once a week but the good news is it's the teaching job I want, and is definitely solid padding for the resume and grad school.

Here's the funny thing. I ended up pimping some references I know in the area who will remain unnamed here (other recent theatre graduates in the area with better jobs than I). So I basically almost got someone else hired for the job during my interview. But I have two weeks to come up with a curriculum and prove I'm not a crazy person. Time to pull out the ole' rolodex of teacher friends

In the meantime, still looking for full time day job that doesn't require a car. Mostly I just stay at home and clean like the good house-fiancee I am, and sing repertoire and play piano. Today I was inspired by Rodgers and Hammerstein and started singing Mister Snow from Carousel. And started crying at the part where she talks about getting married and how happy she is. I have a history of crying during singing but this one is little different. After reading the lyrics, I feel a very deep connection to this song that I didn't know I had. I'm pretty sure there's a study between emotions and hitting certain notes which means you're more likely to choke up while singing. It happens to me fairly frequently. I'll start singing and I'll get to a point in the song and start crying and lose the connection. Not because it sounds bad but because it suddenly becomes rooted in me. And singing is a vulnerable activity.

But Mister Snow really does emulate my love for Braden: down to earth, honest, traditional and real.

Shame on me. PAZZO!

I know I have not written in long time...longer than I can remember. There is a big part of me that doesn't like writing about my failures. I've recently discovered that I suffer many symptoms of Avoidance Disorder. Which is a hypersensitivity to criticism and rejection, self-imposed social isolation and extreme social anxiety in groups (yet a strong desire for close relationships). That's pretty much me all over. I was reading about it in Braden's textbook today. I keep looking for clues about eye contact and self-confidence and I think I am coming closer to figuring out the puzzle.

In any case, I think I may have been avoiding this blog for those reasons. Shame for becoming a sellout? Shame for not being as successful in my singing and acting as my peers?

It's not like I haven't been doing shows. I did Dearly Departed and South Pacific in April and May...pretty much 10 weeks straight. And then every thing just stopped. I have been auditioning here and there. And I had some good auditions...but nothing really happened. But really my heart hasn't been in it recently. There has been so much going on.

My field representative job takes up about 90% of my energy and I just can't devote the time to preparing auditions like I used to. But I still take voice lessons. I had a recital at the end of May. I got the final slot. It was an honor. Right now I'm still preparing audition pieces. It's exciting - Rebecca, my voice teacher is excited for me! I'm excited for me. I'm about to embark on a wonderful life adventure and I'm not doing it alone...

...Braden and I got engaged. It was very romantic. He proposed at dusk on Cumberland Island after we had gone for a swim after a 6 mile hike. And then wild horses came out to greet us. A good omen, I presume. And we have a wedding venue and a date MAY 21st 2011! We are getting married at the historical Horace Williams house in Chapel Hill. It just fits considering we are Chapel Hill natives and we love this town. Our color scheme is red and black. Actually wedding planning has become a lot more fun now that we have some concrete details set in stone.

So I'm going to be a wife. And it's to a man I love who keeps me sane and makes me smile and every day I adore coming home to him. He wants a family and a house and wife and I want to be that for him.